When we are operate only from our lower three chakras we are very egocentric. We are the center of our own universe. We are the only player in our own drama and take everything personally. We see things in terms of “what’s in it for me”. Life is black and white. (Find out more about chakras and how to work with them for personal development at http://www.exaltedliving.com/sevensecrets.htm)
As we move into the heart chakra we find that we can take a breather from our own self-importance. We start to recognize that there are things happening around us of which we are no part. If the person at the grocery store is in a bad mood we do not spend the rest of the day in a huff or wondering what we did to them. We can simply acknowledge that they are having a bad day and get on with the rest of our day.
So what does all that have to do with forgiveness?
Everything! You see it is very rare that someone coldly and calculatingly sets out to hurt us. Usually their actions come from thoughtlessness and not a deliberate act to harm you. We all have our faults and failings as well as our good points. It is all part of being human and playing this game we call life.
If someone has hurt us or let us down it is probably because of their own insecurities and lack of self worth. They are not trying to hurt you but make themselves feel better about themselves. For example, if a spouse has an affair it is usually because they are desperately searching for something to bolster their flagging egos. It is not to hurt their spouse. They are trying to find something they fear is missing in their life. (This is not to say that I am condoning affairs in anyway or that you should stay or leave a partner who has cheated on you. That is entirely up to you.)
When we come from the heart chakra we can take a step back and not take things so personally. We can take a look at what has happened and why. Then we can decide what we wish to do about a situation without getting all caught up in the emotion of it.
No matter what, when someone has hurt us, deliberately or otherwise, we need to forgive them, for our own piece of mind. Hanging onto a grudge will only make us sad and bitter people. It can run our immune systems down and can even make us susceptible to diseases like breast cancer.
When we forgive someone it lifts a burden from us, we will feel lighter and more joyful. If the person deliberately hurt us and we hang onto the grudge they win again and again. Do you really want that? This is your life we are talking about. Don’t you owe it to yourself to make it as happy and joyful as you can? Why destroy your life by a thoughtless act of another person. You are better than that. I know you are. And honestly the best revenge is being happy.
Some people have the mistaken belief that they have to hang onto the pain so they will not let themselves be hurt again. This only makes for a life full of misery. Sure, they might not let anyone hurt them again but they will also be cutting themselves off from a lot of wonderful experiences. A better attitude to take is to learn from their experience and forgive. Then trust themselves that from a place of openness and wisdom that they will know what to do if they are ever faced with a similar experience.
If you want to forgive someone simply have the intention of letting go of your hurt and forgiving them. Then sit quietly and flood green into your heart chakra. This may take minutes, hours, days or weeks. You might get rid of it and it may come back again. If so, start again. The feelings of hurt will pass and boy will you feel great. Just do it as often as you need to.
Spend five minutes twice a day flooding green in your heart chakra until you can think of the person without pain. This does not mean that you have to have an abusive person in your life. You can forgive someone but not want any contact with them because you know that you are better off without them. This is valid and does not mean that you are holding a grudge.
You can forgive those that have passed away. However, if it is a long-term grudge be prepared for a bit of an emotional time while you do so.
You may feel guilty for not having forgiven them while they were still alive, or grief at their passing that you have not allowed yourself to feel before. This is an important part of the process and just be willing to allow yourself to sit with the pain. Keep working with the heart chakra and these feelings will subside. The final step in the process is to forgive yourself for not forgiving them when they were alive.